Learning the Line

I am not a confrontational person, at all, but I've been a lot better lately at standing up for myself when I need to. But where's the line between standing up for yourself and going too far? There's always that point where things go from being necessary to hurtful but when do you know that you have reached the point when you need to stop? How do you know that before you've gone too far?

I was faced with a situation tonight where I was having a classmate accuse me of not doing my share of the project (which anyone who knows me will know that is unlike me). She claimed that she was doing the whole project for the 4 others of us in the group which was false because we were all doing our fair share. She insulted me a great deal but when she began to insult one of my best friends that is also in the group, I took a stand. Not to say that I began saying hateful things but I was stern and defended my friend and brought light to a great deal of behind the scenes work that made her job easier. But her rude and unnecessary tone infuriated me. I was sitting in the library trying to write this paper with her and I was literally shaking because I was so mad and upset.

I could go into detail but it doesn't really make a difference. I eventually ended up saying some rather unpleasant things. None of which were as bad as one's imagination may carry you to think but I got a little more stern than I would like, odd for my normal kind and playful personality. But at the same time as working on this group paper with her, I was also writing a paper about my personal leadership and what I have learned about it. Which led me to regret my choices of standing up for myself.

But I should regret that. I should be proud that I kept someone from walking over top of me again and using me to their advantage. But where's the line? I ended up texting her and offering to help the girl finish her half because she has a lot going on and I have more free time which led to no reply.

But this is not me. Take me back a few months and I would have done whatever I could to please her and keep her from being angry with me, which also isn't an ideal way to be. This is a line I must discover myself. I must learn where my limit is and stop myself before I regret my words, none of which were hateful but still, not my normal self. I am usually extremely easy to get along with, but how do you approach a situation where a girl invited herself into your group and then gets angry two days before the paper is due because she feels like she was assigned too much?

Learning these lines are difficult. They are a part of being a good leader, much of which I've learned about this semester. I've grown so much as a leader because of my MYMOM program and my leadership class, two things that have made this semester so important, but there are still lessons I need to learn. I understand this is a part of growing up and finding yourself but it's a frustrating journey to take.

As I reflect on this minuscule episode that I have now turned into a novel, I try to go back to what my leadership professor has told us many times, to get rid of stinkin' thinkin' and have a positive attitude. As difficult as it may seem, sometimes it is the best in these situations.

Love ya mean it,
Bailey
xoxo